A little bit of me

I like people, but I was raised to only speak when I have to. Or if someone talks to me. And whenever I speak, people always say that I sound angry, even though I’m not. And people always say that my words are insulting, even though I only speak the truth.

So most of the time, I just stay quite because I fear that I might insult people without realizing it.

It’s not easy for me to have a conversation with other people because I’m awkward sometimes. I’m not social like everyone else. I’ve been this way since I was a kid and it’s difficult for me to make friends.

So the friends that I do have, they’re important to me. It means I was able to connect with them somehow. Even my family knows that I’m always quite. I’m always thinking about something.

I keep things to myself because I don’t want to burden anyone about my problems, my issues and my insecurities.

At the age of 14, I became the man of the house when my father died. I get to decide what to do or how to do things. My mother would always ask me how we’re going to handle things.

Can you imagine a 14 year old kid deciding the fate of our family. I was a kid, I was supposed to do what teenagers do. But I didn’t have time for that. I had to grow up fast and be an adult and look for a job and be a man.

It’s not something that I would wish for anyone to experience. I’ve had a lot of hardships in life. I’ve been carrying a huge weight for so long that sometimes I’m amazed that I made it this far in life.

Some people think that my life is great. You guys have no idea what I had to endure. The sacrifices that I made.

Well, life is shitty. I read somewhere before that it’s not about the problem, it’s how you deal with it, that’s important.

Or something along those lines.

Drive and Grit

You know what I really want employees to have?

Grit, it’s a lost commodity nowadays. People tend to quit or give up easily. Grit something that cannot be taught. Grit for me means, the passion to persevere no matter the odds, no matter the situation and no matter the challenges.

The second thing that I want employees to have is drive. Yes, drive is way better than motivation. Motivation is a fickle behavior and it can go up and down depending on the situation. Whereas drive, it doesn’t matter what the situation is, someone with drive will find a way to make things work. Or even if doesn’t work, he or she will just leave up to experience and do something else or keep doing what he or she is doing. If there’s a roadblock in front of the road, you can always drive around it. go over it or go through it. For me, that’s the meaning of drive.

Motivation is overrated. Be driven instead. – this is what I always tell myself every day.

Be Thankful

To bo honest with you folks.

Work has been so busy, there’s so many things that I want to accomplish and things that needs to be done.

I feel like there’s so much that I could do but there’s so little time.

I’m not really complaining. In fact I’m very thankful. I’m thankful that i have a job. I’m thankful that I’m learning a lot and all of the things that I’ve learned are very useful.

Yes, my job is stressful and yes my job is challenging. But it’s not that stressful or challenging that I’m just going to pack my bags and give up.

Fuck that shit. Life is full of challenges and stress. Are you telling me that your just going to give up on life?

There’s so many things to be thankful about. Being alive is one. Having food, clothing and shelter is something to thank for.

If you’re the type of person who only focuses on the negative things in life, then no amount of money, material things or success can makenyou happy. You sad pathetic piece of human anatomy.

So ask yourself, what makes you happy?

As for me, being alone makes me happy.

Being with my friends and family makes me happy.

Being with strangers makes me happy, as long as they leave me alone.

Random Thoughts

Do you know how many times I failed?
Do you know how many times I got rejected?
Do you know how many times people told that I’m not good enough.

The number of time I was told that I don’t fit here.
The number of time I was told that I’m not qualified.
The number of times that people told me I’m not going anywhere with my life?

I’ve been told so many times that I stopped caring about what other people say.

Because the people who matters to me the most.

They’re fucking supportive.

So don’t let yourself drown in other people’s opinion.

That shit ain’t right.

My Uncle who I consider as my second father

On May 20, 2019. Our family lost a great man. He was someone that we all admire. He was the smartest person I know. He was very loving, kind a respectful. He was a man that most of us would like to replicate and in my mind. I would be lucky if I could be half the man he was.

I found out that he passed away while I was in the office and I was in a meeting because I was preparing for a quarterly business review.

I felt tremendous sadness that time but I couldn’t even show it. I couldn’t even react the way I wanted to. I had to go excuse myself and go to the lavatory to shed a tear.

The last time I spoke to him was on May 10 , 2019. I asked him if he was okay, because I was told that he was in the hospital for a couple of days already and he told me that he was feeling better but that was not the case. He only told me he was better because he didn’t want me to worry about him.

He was always like that. He would take care of everyone but whenever it comes to him, he doesn’t want to burden anyone.

Whenever I feel stressed at work, I would talk to him sometimes and ask him some advice on how to handle the people at work. HE would always give me an insight and tell me how he would handle it if it were him.

He would tell me a story about his experience in handling different people from all over the world. People with different beliefs and nationality would work together and respect their differences.

I knew that he was getting old and I was getting myself ready when it happens. But no matter how many times you’ve prepared yourself. No matter how many times you’ve accepted that this is inevitable. I still felt that extreme sadness.

While I was in Hong Kong attending our business review. All I could think of was the people in Washington. I kept wondering how’s the situation over there and how’s my Aunt doing.

The man that we lost that day due to complications of his health is the man that I always wanted to be proud of me. I’m not sure if I was able to meet his expectations but I hope I didn’t disappoint him that much.

I always wanted to be like him. He was smart man with a loving and compassionate nature.

That’s me on the left and my sister on the right

Thank you for everything pops. You’ve done your country a great service and you’ve been an inspiration to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t for the last time but you will always be in my heart and I will never ever forget you.