First month, day two of twenty twenty

Uneventful new year for me. Honestly, celebrating new year is not exciting anymore.

I’d rather celebrate being alive every day rather than the new year.

Anyways, did some changes and I think I’m of to a good start.

I’ll keep posting on a daily basis and make this my daily journal from now on. Hopefully I reme3tp post something.

I think posting something here would help me keep my sanity in check.

Unexpeted Gift

So here I was, minding my own business and not expecting anything from anyone and suddenly I saw the gifts.

Thanks to everyone who gave me something

I’ll just keep this short.

I appreciate you so therefor I appreciate the gift you gave me

New Device

I just bought a second hand 12.9 inch iPad Pro. Now I can blog using my iPad Pro.

I bought a cheap keyboard and also bought a pencil, I’m not sure if I’m going to use the pencil but at least I have an option just in case I want to use it.

The feeling of extreme anger

Here’s another thought that came to my mind as I was lying in bed, contemplating about life while coughing like a lunatic.

I mean I’m sick and I hate being sick. I cough and cough, my voice sounds funny. My throat is so itchy and I have a runny nose.

As I was saying. For most people, they think of me as someone who’s tough. I guess they mean by it is that I am capable of handling anything.

They see me as strict. They see me as someone who doesn’t need anyone’s help when dealing with problems.

I guess it’s my face. I have that tough persona. But to be honest, that’s farther from the truth. I may look tough but sometimes you get drowned by sadness. For my case, I get drowned by extreme anger.

For most people, they experience extreme sadness when they are lonely. For my case, I experience extreme anger. Like for no apparent reason, you get very angry.

And you don’t know why. And because you can make sense of your anger, you get angrier for being angry.

It so hard to explain and it’s even difficult to describe how you feel.

I’m actually afraid to interact with people because of this feeling. I scare people because of this feeling.

I’m not the type to have a bubbling personality and I find small talks boring most of the time.

I have to control my emotion most of the time to prevent people from being afraid of me. BTW, that is so exhausting. It drains me mentally and emotional.

I have to watch what I say, I have to be careful at how I react to things, I have to do this and that. And believe me you, that is so fucking challenging.

Because if I could be the real me in the real world. People would despise me. People would even stay away from me. People would say a lot of bad things about me.

But then again. Even if I’m trying to be nice. People still think ill of me.

It’s not so much that I am afraid people would hate me or stay away from me. It’s about the people who I want to be friends. People who’m I want to have a connection. Those are the people that I am afraid who would stay away and be scared.

Because they’re the connections that haven’t seen the real me.

Only my family and long time friends have seen the real me. And believe me, my long time friends, they’re like stuck with me and they know how to steer clear whenever I’m in mo most unfriendly manner.

Then after a few minutes or hours, they would talk to me again just to check if I’m okay. Just to check if I’m still alive.

For people like me who avoids having a lot of friends. Keeping the connection with my current friends is the most important thing for us.

Because it’s hard for us to connect with other people.

Anyway, it’s just a thought.

Just an update

It’s been a while since I posted something. So we had our team leaders outing this month.

That was fun. I actually wanted to talk to the woman I love and hangout more but I didn’t have a chance.

Anyway, I’ll be in hk this month and hopefully I have something to say so see you again in a couple of weeks


Be thankful for being alive each day.

I find it interesting that whenever there’s a huge event, people are always thankful for being alive. It’s like you only appreciate things if something big happens or a major event occurred.

We tend to appreciate the small things. The minute things that happen everyday. People tend to not appreciate the kindness that they experience from a random stranger or a friend or a family member..

People don’t appreciate when someone asks how you are doing or if they asks what’s happening in your life. In fact, some people tend to think of it as annoying which is kinda sad if the other person asking is truly worried or genuinely interested in knowing things about you.

We definitely take those things for granted and most of time, we think of it as a normal occurrence. People would think that it’s what we expect from the people we know or from family members so why make a big deal out of it?

It’s not about making a big deal out of a simple or normal occurrences. It’s about being appreciative of the normal things. Being thankful for what you have.

I think the reason why most people are unhappy with their lives is because they don’t know how to appreciate things.

I think the moment that we learn to truly appreciate the what he have and the events that we experience. Every second or minute that we spend with the people we love.

That’s the only time that we can be happy as individuals.

As for me, I don’t pray at night but I always say this every time I wake up in the morning.

“Thank you for another day”

Because I’m thankful for being alive. I appreciate waking up in the morning and being angry like I always am.

I am happy to be on this planet and breath the polluted air that we breath.

I’m not just thankful for a single moment that happened or a single event that occurred.

Every second is a blessing, good or bad. It doesn’t really matter, because I’m still thankful for the experience.

You might be thinking that I sound like a positive person. I’m telling you now, that I am not.

I have a grumpy face and I’m always angry. That’s way majority of the people would stay the hell away from me.

Only the brave would dare talk to me.